Just a small detail missing

July 29, 2006 at 4:41 pm (Crime)

There’s a nice post over at Feministe about Jennifer Moore – The young woman who was abducted, raped and killed in New York City. The main suspect is the taxi driver she ordered on behalf of her boyfriend.

Zuzu discussed the Post’s and Daily News’ coverage but the commenters didn’t care.

A poster called rebecca had the following to say about the issue:

I don’t know about the whole race thing you’re getting at, but I agree that the coverage seems to be trying to force her into the victim role. It’s tragic what happened, but Jennifer made a number of really stupid decisions that are not terribly sympathetic (to me, at least). Driving into Manhattan to get tanked (while underage no less), then not calling parents or authorities for help when she and her friend got stranded was profoundly bad judgment. I shudder when I see these girls all over new york getting blackout drunk…don’t they know that they are putting themselves in horrible danger? Beyond alcohol poisoning, they’re basically hanging a “fuck with me” sign on their backs. It’s unfortunate that we always have to be cautious, but I firmly believe women should never get so drunk that they cannot take care of themselves–no matter who they are with. It’s incredibly stupid and I get so angry when I see it.

First, a correction: Jennifer Moore was not “blackout drunk” as rebecca states, her friend was. Jennifer Moore did drink alcohol and therefore avoided to call the police but called her boyfriend instead when a stranger stalked her (she was too young to be allowed to drink alcohol, aged 18). Her boyfriend told her to call a taxi…

rebecca is focused on alcohol as others like ginmar already discussed.

What made me wonder was the fact that a small detail is missing. Just a very small one. Something you can easily lose sight of….

Everything’s there: The young woman (or “girl”, “gal”), her misbehaviour (going to town with a female friend, doing things boys do (drink alcohol) and the punishment (abduction, rape and murder or “tragedy” as rebecca would say)). The good old story of a girl that doesn’t behave the way girls are supposed to. She acts like a boy and then the inevitable happens. All of this could have been avoided if she’d stayed at home and learned how to cook and wash while daddy’s looking for the right guy who’ll make her some babies… But she didn’t want to listen…

Now what’s the small detail i’m referring to? It’s the rapist, the murderer. He doesn’t play a role in rebecca‘s post. Does rebecca think he was just the tool needed for the girl’s punishment? rebecca talks about alcohol and the girl’s “several mistakes” and even confuses rape with sexual intercourse (“basically hanging a “fuck with me” sign on their backs”). But there’s no place for the rapist and murderer in her little rant.

This is quite typical cause the actions of boys and girls are not judged in the same way. Girls and women behaving like men or boys don’t experience the same reaction towards their behaviour most of the time.

Sex: A man who sleeps with a lot of women is admirable. He may not be regarded as the best husband and father but the perception is mainly positive. He is the man who makes women loose their minds. A woman doing the same is a slut cause women aren’t supposed to enjoy sex and if they do it’s unnatural. Anyway, what does a woman have to do to have sex except for broadening her legs (insulting to men, isn’t it. and this is also not the right moment to mention the fact that women have to do sports all day in order to stay attractive and even have to rely on plastic surgery to please the boys – their body is all that counts, you know) and the perception is therefore purely negative (especially if it comes to rape).

Alcohol: Boys who drink too much – well, they are just boys! That’s just the way it is. Of course, it’s not that good and can be dangerous but we all made stupid things during our adolescence, didn’t we? A girl getting drunk – man, she could  be raped and then she was to blame (and the alcohol)! What a risky behaviour! But don’t say we didn’t warn you.

Strange to see that some things never change.

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Get over it

July 24, 2006 at 4:09 pm (Society)

This is probably one of the sentences rape survivors encounter the most. So i think it’s worth being examined.

This phrase can have two meanings:

The first one is desperation. It’s not meant to hurt but shows that the person doesn’t know what to do to help the other one. It’s like telling someone with Anorexia nervosa to eat more – just won’t work cause it’s not that easy. Like a caring mother (or father) who sees that her daughter suffers though she tries everything to make her feel comfortable.

The second one is purely negative. It’s a sign of annoyance. The goal is not to make the survivor feel better but the person who says “Get over it”. The difference to the first meaning is obvious: The caring one wants the survivor and himself to feel better. It is in a way psychological abuse. The survivor’s welfare is not regarded as important as your own. Is the survivor supposed to feel guilty due to the fact of “annoying” another person? The answer is clearly No – If the person feels annoyed he should either leave or try to help instead of trying to suppress other people’s feelings due to laziness and/or a lack of respect. Why respecting someone who doesn’t respect you and cares for your well-being? This would be nothing else than an abusive relationship!

Sure, sometimes it’s hard to determine which meaning “Get over it” has but i think it’s worth thinking about it instead of just feeling bad. Whenever someone tells you to “Get over it” (Or “Why don’t you just forget about it”, etc.) with the second meaning you should know that there’s somebody annoying – the guy who told you to get over it.

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ITALIA!!!!!!

July 9, 2006 at 9:21 pm (Uncategorized)

Italy

Congratulations to Italy!

Football Worldchampion 2006 – the 4th title!!!

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Taser her only if she’s helpless

July 8, 2006 at 9:34 am (Crime)

A nice video, isn’t it? A bunch of men surrounding a woman who’s lying on the ground. All the men are actually policeman and one uses a taser gun on her though she’s already restrained to the ground and helpless.

In my opinion, this is a perfect display of male dominance over women. I guess the guy using the taser gun had a hard-on while she was suffering.

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